The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Houston, we have a squirter
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
