i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
