Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
