Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
