So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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