did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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