Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
