What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
