ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
