i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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