dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
