is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
