you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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