At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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