I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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