Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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