I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
