so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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