Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
