She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
