i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
