White coat. Heels.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
