Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
