All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
