Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
