She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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