Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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