the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
