have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
