I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
