I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Shame - the story of my life.
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