I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
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