I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
