Do you still have your period?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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