There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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