I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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