the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
