my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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