Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
