he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
