Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
