New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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