I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
