she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
