well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
