i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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