I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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