we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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