I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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