Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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