I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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