i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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