I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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