im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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