i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
