You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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