My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
