I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
