unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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